Work

Dear Julian,

So here we are waiting to make a decision. I am at a crossroad in my life. I had always thought my career was the greatest part of my identity. My work is a part of who I am. My identity in a way. The work connected to my values and beliefs and politics . My identiy has again shifted, morphed and developed into much more. You are a part of me now, and now I have to discover what work means in this new identity.

I feel so much sadness to think of you being raised by someone other than me or your Dad. A stranger. A hopefully kind stranger. Who won't be a stranger much more. But what is life if you have to leave others to raise you for 10+ hours of your waking day? wake, eat, rush, drive, drive drive, work, eat, work, rush, drive, drive, drive, kiss good night, sleep.

I struggle to process this and it just doesn't jive with what I want for you. This is the norm in our society. This is n-o-r-m-a-l. Do I want to be part of the norm? But I don't want to lose my place in the norm. My mind plays tug-of-war with my wants and desires and in the end I am pulled to you. For now I need to stay close to you. I have my whole life to move up up up in my career dreams, but for now I need to keep that place for you. For all the material wants and needs we'll find a way to not sway to the norm.